MAKE IT COUNT

            Yesterday i went to a meeting with family and i learnt quite a lot actually,at first i thought family meetings are such a bore and i pictured myself dozing of the first 10-30 min of the meeting....but to my surprise,i was the most attentive one in the room(though someone did doze off,the exact timing i thought i would lol)
          In the whole meeting,there is one phrase that was said that i cannot get off my mind "IT IS NOT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE,BUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU KEEP." this is all that has been going though my mind since yesterday evening.Coming to think of it then i think i started making good decisions only last year.This is quite disturbing,if i started making worthy decisions at 23,what if i never had started...this means by now i would still be wasting my life away,making money and using all of it in the same month.I call this hand-to-mouth style of living.I realized yesterday that,that would have been the end of me,an Esteem death sentence for me,Personality cuicide mission.I would never like to imagine myself at 35,without a house of my own,investments that i would be proud of making or even having kids without achieving certain set goals i made in life.I think this would kill me literally,i would have so much guilt.
            I was that weird kid in high school who always talked about making it in life,and not just making it...but making it BIG!!!other girls would look at me in a funny way and some would think it was just big talk and nothing more,but my close friends knew i was that one girl who would even sell her own kidney just to make money.
       I now think that quote was meant just for me.It is not about how i started working at just 19 when all my age mates were busy in school,its not about how much money i have been making for all those years neither is it how old i was or i am.Thing is how much money have i kept and where is that one thing i can show that is mine right now,something to show for all the years i was working tirelessly,for all the tears and sweat......NOTHING!!
        Its time for change.Its not how big the car you drive is,or to make it worse the outstanding loan you have for that big car.Is the money you are making enough to feed your next generation?that is the question.Will your next generation have somewhere to call home or is it just going to be renting houses for generations to come.Is that not tiring that you may one day look back at the age of 65 and realize you have no place to call home?This is just food for thought,so you better make your life count,your hard work should count and not just for now but for years to come.If you ask me,saving money in the bank is as good as using it all in a month since you start withdrawing in small quantities and at the end you end up using it all for something that you had not planned for(that's my experience)i would rather put every coin to use right now,investing in something no matter how small it is.I refuse to live hand to mouth.More sacrifices right now for more in the future is worth it.

I WILL NOT MOVE IN

I am the one who always talked about not settling to fast in anything,especially in a relationship.Looking back i now think i am the cause of everything that is happening.I remember wanting more in my relationship and i may have even pushed for him to get a house,but honestly.....he should have done that earlier,without me pushing him to do so(hoping he does not read this lol),we women are pushers and anyway,i was tired spending nights in hotels.
 So now we have a place we can both call home,though we call it "Our Cube"since its so small but just right for both our sizes(we are both plus size).Its funny how we perfectly fit in the two sitter sofa that we have in our living room.The kitchen....well!!!we can only fit in one at a time.Bathroom is chaos,the toilet was leaking,and it was flooding....so disgusting.Is it that i wanted more than i could chew?i wonder.
I remember a time in my life when i got tired of dating older men,and all i wanted was someone who was mature and who would want something for the long term and i did meet him.
This house is small but feels like home,it may not be perfect right now but just being with him,i would not mind living under a tree for all i care.It feels right.He feels right...but hey!!am not moving in.I want our cube to be a get away place for him and i over the weekends.I will not be those women who slowly start leaving behind their clothes then in a few months the man realizes that a weekend thing is now an everyday thing.I am happy that we live three hours away from each other since i like my alone time sometimes and i think it is quite healthy in any relationship.
Only until he makes me his wife,that is the time i will officially move in,but before then......The cube is a weekend get away for me.No need of giving a boyfriend husband privileges.

Short men Generation

Is it me or are the men too short nowadays?There must be something wrong,is it that gravity is affecting height or is it the climate change?so many questions,we should all say goodbye to the days when men were tall,dark and handsome....now we are welcoming the dwarf generation,short,big bellied and less attractive men.I pity those still single and searching because it is getting harder to find men who fit the decription of tall,dark and handsome.Lately i only see short round bellied men walking around,oh my!i am worried tall men will soon go extinct and something should be done about it before its too late,sperm banks should increase rapidly,this is a crisis that should be prevented before our kids grow up and realize there never existed men who were 6 feet tall.Gone are the days where one would have to tip toe to get a hug or a kiss,nowadays all you can do is look directly at the man next to u as you kiss because you are of the same height,or worse a woman taller than the guy.Sad situation

Take your negotiation skills elsewhere

It is such a pity how we tend to only negotiate with the people who are out there struggling to make something of themselves. Yesterday as I was in the market buying groceries, all I could hear in every corner is people trying to negotiate with the vendors in the market and even the less fortunate orphaned boys who sell paper bags and grocery bags as they as well try to help you carry your heavy shopping to wherever you would want for a small amount of money, so at the end of the day they can get money to buy a simple meal to fill their bellies after a long day. The fact that we do not sit and think what they all went through in order to get those fresh groceries or even how they managed to get the simple grocery bags baffles me every day. To make it worse we still prefer to negotiate the simple and very affordable commodities, something as affordable as a bunch of kale that ranges from 5-10 shillings (Kenyan money) according to quantity, a customer would still try to get it at less even if deep down they know they have the amount or they may have even budgeted a higher price than what they are being sold for, and that in no way would it affect ones budget. This is sad and actually quite selfish of us .I honestly would not say am a saint, I know of such occasions where I did the same but I am happy to have realized my mistake and changed that horrible behaviour. The question that troubles me daily is, why do we not negotiate with the wealthy? and those who own big supermarkets who actually sell twice the price yet we do not complain at all, we even see people with shopping carts full of groceries in these expensive supermarkets, it all does not make sense at all, since they sell to us however they damn well please and still we buy without any hesitation. I sometimes wonder how people get the strength and energy to walk for a distance to the market just to go trouble a desperate woman who has toiled from 5am in the morning trying to show off our negotiation skills for a small and very unreasonable price that we may think suits us best. It is such a shame and those who do this should be ashamed. Those with that God given talent of negotiation should try to pursue a career for goodness sake, this is when one can utilize that skill, it will be marketable elsewhere but not inflicting pain and stress on those working in the market, forgetting that they are someone’s mother, sister, wife or girlfriend struggling to make ends meet. This is a trend that should be stopped .Food for thought this Wednesday.

My reality check this morning

Has it ever occurred to you that after a couple of years that you have actually done NOTHING with your life?today after sitting down after having a long shower i just realized that its been four years now after employment and there is nothing to show.Its devastating knowing one can be employed for so many years yet have nothing to show for it,no money,no savings,not even finished doing my degree,nothing at all to call my own.This is so shocking,as i look back this morning and feel like i have wasted away my most important years,and oh!jobless by the way,i feel like i let myself down.The dreams and hopes i had before had all vanished in thin air,and yet all i can blame for this is ME.I know am not the only one who feels like this nor am i the only one is such a situation,now what we should all do is wake up from our slumber and dust ourselves off,that is the past and now we should do something with our future,with my future,and so as i get ready today,i am not going to look for a job,but am starting this blog as a first step to achieving my long lost dream of being my own boss.I know it will take time but i am willing to risk it,i am willing to dedicate my life to it and also to help others out there to figure out what they want to do with their lives before they find out when its too late,and before they wake up 4years later and realize that they are going through what i have.This shows how harsh reality can get.